1 July 2007

Well I was supposed to write everyday but life never works out like you want it to does it?
So what can I tell you about my endo today? Well I can feel the faint pressure as a warning of what is to come this week. I have also started a cold for the first time in 9 months! A miracle for me who seriously considered buying shares in Kleenex I was sick so ofter. It is so well timed though! And I fainted this week - after getting out of bed too quickly running down the stairs and then standing still for 5 minutes. I need to have a blood test to see if I am anaemic - very possible since the bleeding lasts for 7 days at the moment.
I am doing well on not eating wheat, and I really believe it has helped with the constant fatigue. I have been suffering recently but maybe that the anaemia? Who knows. Just got a new doctor (moved towns) - we will have to see if he has any idea about endo or just tells me to go to bed with a hot water bottle. MMmmm

Vitamin fest

I have finally started my vitamin fest. They arrived yesterday so the test begins. As well as 6 different pills I must not eat wheat, only organics cows milk, cut down on sugar, no caffeine, drink lots of water and eat 6 almonds a day. My head really hurts and has done so since I stopped drinnking coffee on Monday. I never wanted to admit I was addicted to coffee and yet even though I only usually have one cup a day and no tea or coke I am really suffering. Don't know how long I will be able to last this one out!
It's too early to see any improvements from the vitamins but my god you should see the colour of my wee!

Post MT

The blues are continuing. For the first time though I recognise that the same thing happened last month, being down after my period. Stomach cramps too. Rattiness. God I am not a nice person when I am like this. I have been told I have an interview on Monday and all I want to do is curl into a ball and cry. I did cry this morning, at my desk. I am so lucky to have my own office. THat won't be the case soon. How do other sufferers cope? I have been surrounded by a kind of family ever since I started working - who all know my family and physical secrets. When I leave here, I won't have that 'bosom', I'll have to become a professional. That will be interesting.

Day 6

So yesterday I was being grateful for the calmness well that's gone out of the window. I have taken to not saying anything to my colleagues I am so worried I would just explode. God they irritate me!! But here's the thing - are they really irritating or are my hormones just making it feel like they are? You never know with this disease what is real and what isn't. Drives me insane!
My weight is the other thing that drives me insane- why can I not be of a normal weight. I was 6kgs lighter when I was on the prozac and the pill. The drugs made me unhappy, moody, spaced out but thin. I stop the drugs and the weight just piled on. Exercise makes little if any difference and now I have developed a new scenario whereby exercise causes horrendous pain if I am ovulating. So now there are two weeks of every month where I can't do anything too strenuous without reaching for the ibuprofen. Fantastic!

Day 5 raging hormones

It's Monday. Never a good day but certinaly not when the rain drips out of the sky like stair rods. My dad always used to think my bad moods where down to not having enough sunshine, truth was that the endometriosis was messing/ still messes with my head. As part of my new nutritional treatment I had to fill in a form giving two symptoms as examples. I think I will then look back in a month and see how those symptoms are - whether or not they have got any better. I wrote down mood swings and pain. Afterwards I thought how odd why did I say mood swings first rather than pain? Surely the pain is the most obvious, most immediately damaging symptom? But in actual fact the pain is limited to say a week of every month whereas the mood swings could hit me whenever and wherever. Making a real dent on my work, boyfriend, family. The whole shebang. Eveyone feels sorry for you when you are doubled up with pain, but the same people just think you are losing it or a weirdo when you can't stop crying or overreact to situations.

Anyway that is one symptom that I have to say has already improved somewhat. In the days leading up to this month's 'event' I was OK. No snarling, no teeth, no blood (other people's), just normal me.

The pain on the other hand was the worst I have had for years. And it has continues. Yesterday would ahve been day four of this event and I had to take pain killers. Even today I have had some twangs. But perhaps that's because I drank loads of coffee yesterday and a cup today and I had half a pain au chocolat yesterday. My nutritionist believes there is a hormone in wheat that triggers pain in endo sufferers so I am supposed to be on a wheat free month. I have been good with only a couple of misdemeanors in three weeks but my treatment was supposed to be aided by vitamins and supplements which have not arrived. I need to be completely organised for the motivation to be total!
I do see though that there is an end and a possible solution. And it makes me smile.

Sharing the pain Day 1

I have suffered for endo or endometriosis for 14 years now but I was only diagnosed 6 years ago. Since then I have tried a variety of treatments including hormonal and surgery but the pain continues. I am now starting a new attempt with nutrition as the main weapon. It will take a long time to give me the results I need - no pain, a normal life, clear skin, no mood swings, normal weight and so on and until then I think I need to share the pain to encourage me to hope but also to see if there is anyone else out there who can understand.

So this first contribution was written yesterday. It is a bit graphic but endo unforutnately isn't a "nice" disease.

24th August:

There had been a dull ache in the morning. We went to lunch. About 3pm cramps started. Bleeding started around 3.30. Bleeding further back than usual? Took first pain killer (800mgs) around 4.15 cramps very bad. Finding it difficult to move, do anything else. Leave office. Concerned about driving.Repeatedly get feeling like someone walking over my grave. Get very hot but cold at the same time. Gone very pale. Get home. Pain has been like someone stranling insides. Some pulses but unlike before the downward part of pulse is excrutiating pain. Face and upper chest are bright red.

Pain is in lower abdomen and all around pelvic area. Need to get something out. Go to the loo. Just before I pass a stool flash of searing pain in left abdomen. Fresh blood.

Take another pain killer (800 mgs). Fall asleep. Wake at 9.30pm. Hair is wet from sweat. Pain has abated. Blood on pad is in normal position, slighter darker. Is there a growth in my intestine? Is that why there was pain and blood on Saturday?

Today:
I got to work after 11.30am. The pain was better than yesterday but very much still there. I just took two nurofen plus, I don't want to finish the strong ones and then be left with nothing. Lots of clots, very dark blood. Lots of bleeding all day. Pain is there but not taking over. Feel like I am wrapped in cotton wool. When I woke up this morning I pulled down the skin under my eye and it was as white as snow inside. Within an hour the colour had gone back. How weird is that? I don't have any cravings for chocolate - this is UNHEARD of. good though. probably still have one just from habit.